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Role reversal (or, give me my pants back)

There’s a running joke, maybe you’ve heard something similar, about who wears the pants when it comes to a marriage.  A guy at work wanted to do something, maybe it was a new hobby or spend money on something. He said he needed his wife’s permission. my response? I told him to take his pants back. His response? “I do, when she lets me.” All of my male friends over the years have joked about it.. “She’s got my balls in her purse.” or, “I use them, when she lets me.” Sound familiar?  There was a time when a man didn’t need a woman’s permission to do something. Did he ask her for advice? probably. was it her decision to make? Nope.  I’m sure I will be lambasted for this stance, but there is truth here and I speak it. In a marriage, it is the husband’s job to steer the ship. Turn the wheel. Drive the car. Pilot the plane. Whatever. I’ve heard all the viewpoints, and at one point, even believed that man and wife were on equal footing. I bought into the whole “woman has the power” thing that most men follow today. Men don’t marry women, they marry MEN. No, I don’t mean homosexuals, although that is true as well.  Why do men marry men? because they aren’t men. they are WOMEN. At some point, roles were reversed, and the men that once were have taken a back seat. Ever wonder why there’s a higher rate of men cheating then woman? here’s my theory: because they have become stifled, not by the women they married, but because they ALLOWED their true selves to be hidden.

A little more sexism. In a little book called the bible, God created man. If you’ve read the Bible, you would know that men were created first. Women were created second. if the hierarchy was meant to be the other way, he would have created woman first. So what was a woman created to do? Be a help meet. She was created for man,  period. “but that’s just old testament, or men in the Bible were sexist/old fashioned. ” Is the Bible true? Or not? There’s no middle ground here. It is or it isn’t. Again, no middle ground. If it is, then every word is Powered by God.(tm) There IS NO SECOND GUESSING.

Here’s a bit of truth, and it might not sink in for a long time, if ever. Ready? The TRUTH is, your wife WANTS you to be a man. Yes, it’s true. A wife relies on her husbands strength. She relies on him to make decisions, say no, decide, decide, decide. Ever have one of these conversations? “Honey, what do you want for dinner?” “I don’t know, what do you want?” and on and on. many years ago,  my wife used to say to me, “be a man, make a decision!” That was back when I was more woman (emotional) than man (rational). That’s the major difference between a man and a woman.

Two things continue to happen in this age. Either the man leaves the woman for someone else, because he’s unhappy, or the woman leaves because she is. The man’s reasons for leaving are not what he thinks. It’s not because he wants something different perse, at least, not another woman. Yes, he might cheat. but the TRUTH is, he isn’t the man at home. With someone else, he might get to be. although most likely, any long term time spent with that other woman will show the same situation, just perhaps the woman is a bit different. Same goes for the woman. She Might leave her husband because he’s wishy washy, or has no drive, or doesn’t clean, or blah blah, but it will be the same with someone else. She just might not recognize it for what it is, because of denial/blindness.

Wearing the pants in the marriage does not consist of abusing your wife, or forcing her to do things she doesn’t want to do. it means taking her hand, and guiding her. mostly gently. Sometimes you need to say no. when you do, STAND YOUR GROUND. This is what a man does best. It’s part of what makes us men.

Only one person can lead, so take her by the hand, take your pants back, put them on, and steer the damn ship.